This is definitely a five-star day here on Kauai. We were greeted by sunshine, just a few clouds over the mountains, the birds in full-throated splendor, a perfect day, in other words.
After a wonderful, deep conversation with my wife, I went out for a walk by myself, as Juliet went bike-riding. We both know that change is afoot, and we have put out our intention to take our hands off the tiller and allow room to notice and allow whatever currents come to our awareness.
We’ve been on a long journey, you and I. We’ve been on a seemingly endless search for…… what, exactly? Have you ever spelled it out for yourself? I did that on a post I entitled, “Enlightened Expectations,” which I posted on June 12. (You can access that in the Archives on the left side of the page.) All of those items I listed, when you really take a good look at them, really boil down to one thing: I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable or so-called “bad feelings” anymore. I saw enlightenment as a way to escape having to feel bad. I had images of what it would be like to make that final breakthrough, and achieve total, permanent equanimity in all situations. That I would maintain my blissful state no matter what life presented in my experience. Really, all I was looking for was an escape from feelings I didn’t want to feel.
Isn’t it ironic in the extreme that it is by allowing the feelings, noticing how I had been labeling them with certain words, like fear, shame, embarrassment, anger, frustration, guilt, etc., the freedom I sought was already there. Not in traveling through life so I could go around the feelings, but by actually moving right into them, peeling off the labels and descriptions velcroed to them, and also noticing and allowing any mental pictures that would accompany the feelings and words.
Could it be that these sensations I had been avoiding were simply energies, energies that might hang out for a while, but might also move through our awareness and dissipate, when they were unaccompanied by the words and pictures that we had velcroed to them?
Could it be that simply by allowing our present experience, notice what is actually happening without trying to fix our story, we might find the freedom we have been seeking all along?
How many techniques have we employed in order to find that equanimous state we so dearly desired?
How many books have we read in the hopes of finding that one which would contain the magic key to our awakening?
How many years (lifetimes) have we been searching for what has been here all along, the one place we could never leave – our own perfect presence?
And what is the biggest obstacle to our awakening, to our even taking the first step in our awakening?
I could fill up pages upon pages listing everything I believe, all the many places my mind became fixed. Where I dug in my heels, basically declaring, “Here, and no further.”
Well, life had other plans for me, and through a series of very challenging situations, I knew that if I held on to my beliefs, I would suffer, physically and otherwise. So I made the choice not to allow my beliefs to stand in the way of my healing. This lead to openings I can hardly describe, and eventual physical healing as well.
I stand here before you voicing my intent, on this 5-star day, to continue to examine what I believe, knowing that not one belief, yes, not one, is true. No beliefs are true. Not even mine!
If anyone reading this would like to discuss this further with me, you can comment on this blog, send me an email at email@example.com, or comment on Facebook or Google+. I am now a Certified Facilitator of the Living Inquiries, as developed by Scott Kiloby (www.kiloby.com); this work has been so vital to me in my desire to allow my present experience, and to stop avoiding the fears, compulsions and beliefs that were plaguing me on this beautiful dream planet of ours.
I hold no beliefs at present about any past or future lives, but I do know that this dream character I am playing now has only this one go-round. I intend to live the rest of this life as authentically as possible.