Underneath the physical sensations 

that keep you on the surface;

Underneath the thought of 

how it happened and

why it shouldn’t have;

Underneath thoughts that tug you 

into the past;

And all the locations the mind is prone 

to wander;

Underneath all that

Lies a joy 

Unspeakable,

With a depth unfathomable.

It’s not there as a result of anything

It’s not there because of all the meditating you have done,

or the services attended,

or from all your good works

And it’s not a false promise,

making a brief appearance only to fade away with time

(like so many others)

No, this is you.

This is who you have always been

This is where you came from

and to where you will return

It’s coursing through your very being,

calling you with infinite patience

to rest in its (and your) true nature.

There’s no end to the ways we have avoided this.

We are all familiar with those!

But right now, 

From the deepest part of me,

I am singing a love song to this joy;

A song of overwhelming gratitude

for its presence inside me.

For no matter how many mistakes,

missteps, 

ignorant actions and non-actions,

harsh words and thoughts,

many of which were not even my own;

This joy has never deserted me –

And I know now it never will

How can it, when it is the truest part of me,

What I have been waiting to discover

all these years.

And now,

With most of this lifetime gone,

I make it my business

to open up to this joy,

even in the midst of the most

disparate activity,

unwelcome world events,

harsh mood swings,

the urge to get really mad

and express other frequency-lowering emotions.

Yes, I can still carry my knowing of this joy

into all of it.

Never fear.

Even in the depths of despair,

This joy is always there….

Underneath.