Perfect Timing

Once again, I have been dealing with a trio of difficult physical symptoms. One of these symptoms has been some very persistent headaches. Now the last time this happened, which was about two years ago, I was able to actually say, “No more headaches,” and they instantly vanished. Why haven’t I been able to do that this time around? Why haven’t I banished the other physical symptoms as well?

I am very clear as to how I was able to banish the headaches so effectively two years ago. Through a series of synchronistic events, I was catapulted into a place where my ego, my self-center, moved out of the way almost completely, and I knew without a doubt that it was well within my power, and in total alignment, to simply say, “No more headaches.” It was as natural as breathing, and it was no big deal.

But I, meaning my ego, did not control this event. I didn’t decide I was going to do this. Up to that point, I was simply following the energy, allowing whatever input came my way, to be, and to follow what felt appropriate. I did a lot less filtering and controlling than I would usually do in such cases at that point in my life. Some things felt right, some felt out of balance, some felt harmless enough, but nothing seemed to work in terms of being headache-free.

The healing was a spontaneous event, unplanned and unanticipated. It was very similar to another event that had happened a few months previously, when I experienced the ego simply rolling itself up into a ball and moving completely out of the way, leaving utter aware spaciousness (that’s the best I can do with words to describe that mystery). I didn’t plan that one either – it just happened.

So the next question is, why not banish the headaches now, like I did last time? Well, I could say, “No more headaches,” like I did before, and actually, I have said that. Not surprisingly, it didn’t work.

I watched a DVD two days ago called, “The Quantum Activist,” about quantum mechanics through the eyes of Amit Goswami, a “visionary scientist.” In this DVD, Goswami discussed this exact situation as it related to manifesting. What he said was that trying to manifest from the ego would not work, but if a person could enter the quantum field, described as being a non-egoic, creative space, then anything was possible. He said that if our individual intentions resonate with non-local (quantum) consciousness, then intentions can come true.

It seemed quite synchronistic that this was the main theme of this DVD. Again, the question remained – how do we enter this field of quantum consciousness? Well, truthfully, we’ve never left it. Our egos, as part of doing its job, is constantly seeking something, and in this case, it is seeking a state of consciousness in which it is the very obstacle to experiencing! The ultimate irony.

Interestingly enough, Goswami offered two steps to moving into that non-egoic, infinitely creative space. 1) Preparation – seeing what is already known, through various methods of accumulating knowledge and experience (meditation, study, discussions, etc.); and, 2) Incubation. In other words, you sit on it! You wait! In my words, you remain alert until your script, as written by you, presents the opening for and the allowance of quantum consciousness.

This is exactly what happened to me the first time. I allowed whatever came my way to be, and continually noticed what was being presented. This is not so easy when you are in pain, but I felt I had no choice, really. Then, when the timing was perfect, the quantum field presented itself, and the intention was realized.

This incubation period allows for possibilities to grow. For awhile, I was giving myself a hard time for not being able to reach that place again from where manifesting is natural and harmonious. This DVD helped me remember that “I” cannot go there, “I” can only search for it.

Meanwhile, I remain alert, allowing the possibilities to grow, and know that this egoless field of infinite consciousness will reveal itself in its own perfect timing. It cannot do otherwise, since it is the one place I have never left.

See you there!

Peace at Last

I always thought I was trying to save the world. You know, if everyone only understood what was really happening in the world, then there would be peace. So I read, and learned, about the “real” conspiracies that are going on, convinced that “other people” really needed to know this information, so we could take steps to stop the madness.

The only thing that actually occurred from this approach was my body began to break down – two frozen shoulders in the next two years. Plus, my wife got totally fed up with living with a conspiracy theorist, and basically issued an ultimatum: “David Icke or me!” That being an easy choice, and after feeling the sadness of having failed, began an eight-year “conspiracy fast,” which lasted until a few weeks ago, when events had me hitting the links for a brief peek.

This peek had me very upset, and I worked with the Unfindable Inquiry on it recently. It was very humbling and enlightening to see that I was really only playing out the old story of trying to bring peace to my family. I failed at that, so why not try to fix the world instead? Well, how am I doing with that? Anyway, I could not find the worthless me, failure at fixing the micro and/or the macro.

Ah, peace at last!

Seeking As Addiction

Seeking is an addiction. I’ve heard those words before, but today I experienced it viscerally and I realized the truth of that statement. Yes, it is more subtle than many other addictions, but it’s all the more pervasive for its subtlety. I felt the addictive quality of it in my body, and the heretofore hidden nature of this addiction came into sharp relief.

I’ve certainly been a slave to that addiction. But really, what I have I been seeking? “Home.” I also have seen that all roads lead home. How can that be? Well, because we are “Home.” We can never leave a place that we actually are. We are the “Home” that we have been seeking. The idea that we left home is only a thought. When stared at directly, the words that comprise that thought are seen to be just that – words. They have no power, but we sure have been listening to them, haven’t we?

Then there is the emotion of longing, of desiring this place called, “Home,” with all our hearts. When experienced directly, without the story, this emotion wwill actually dissolve in very short order.

(Please forgive me for using the pronoun, “we.” Really, this is a personal journal, and the only value it may have comes from whatever I can relate about my own personal experience. I am not writing this to proselytize, or claim I know the truth for anyone else. All I can say is when I went back to change the pronoun, “we” to “I” in the previous paragraphs, it didn’t feel right to do so.)

Today I saw that if I had the courage to feel some feelings I haven’t wanted to feel, and to travel inwardly to places I haven’t wanted to go, all I will find at the end of those journeys is, “Home.” There really doesn’t seem to be any way to avoid being Home – I mean, when I’m feeling happy, or fulfilled, or blissful, or passionate, I definitely feel Home. What today showed me is all the places I have been avoiding are simply other iterations of Home. You can’t escape it – you can’t avoid it. We are Home, and we never left. It’s simply not possible.

What a laugh!

I realized this today through working with the following: Actually, I am working directly with Scott Kiloby as part of Deepening Course. I can also recommend this link:, which explains a bit about why the inquiries are now his focus.

As for me, I have found them to be extremely effective, in surprising and subtle ways. If you watch the videos, you’ll get a flavor of what I mean. I can say also, without a doubt, that words do not do the inquiries justice. I can try, but some things are best left to the experience itself.

I leave you today with the following music video, which poetically conveys the message.