Seeking is an addiction. I’ve heard those words before, but today I experienced it viscerally and I realized the truth of that statement. Yes, it is more subtle than many other addictions, but it’s all the more pervasive for its subtlety. I felt the addictive quality of it in my body, and the heretofore hidden nature of this addiction came into sharp relief.
I’ve certainly been a slave to that addiction. But really, what I have I been seeking? “Home.” I also have seen that all roads lead home. How can that be? Well, because we are “Home.” We can never leave a place that we actually are. We are the “Home” that we have been seeking. The idea that we left home is only a thought. When stared at directly, the words that comprise that thought are seen to be just that – words. They have no power, but we sure have been listening to them, haven’t we?
Then there is the emotion of longing, of desiring this place called, “Home,” with all our hearts. When experienced directly, without the story, this emotion wwill actually dissolve in very short order.
(Please forgive me for using the pronoun, “we.” Really, this is a personal journal, and the only value it may have comes from whatever I can relate about my own personal experience. I am not writing this to proselytize, or claim I know the truth for anyone else. All I can say is when I went back to change the pronoun, “we” to “I” in the previous paragraphs, it didn’t feel right to do so.)
Today I saw that if I had the courage to feel some feelings I haven’t wanted to feel, and to travel inwardly to places I haven’t wanted to go, all I will find at the end of those journeys is, “Home.” There really doesn’t seem to be any way to avoid being Home – I mean, when I’m feeling happy, or fulfilled, or blissful, or passionate, I definitely feel Home. What today showed me is all the places I have been avoiding are simply other iterations of Home. You can’t escape it – you can’t avoid it. We are Home, and we never left. It’s simply not possible.
What a laugh!
I realized this today through working with the following: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_wpNzMrtFSF_1OQJ76TkQBtn4I1Ipfd1. Actually, I am working directly with Scott Kiloby as part of Deepening Course. I can also recommend this link: http://kiloby.com/writings.php?offset=0&writingid=367, which explains a bit about why the inquiries are now his focus.
As for me, I have found them to be extremely effective, in surprising and subtle ways. If you watch the videos, you’ll get a flavor of what I mean. I can say also, without a doubt, that words do not do the inquiries justice. I can try, but some things are best left to the experience itself.
I leave you today with the following music video, which poetically conveys the message.