Discombobulated

This word keeps coming to my awareness as it relates to how I feel lately. I looked it up, just to make sure I understood its meaning, and here is what I found: disconcert or confuse (someone): this attitude totally discombobulated Bruce. 

I don’t know who this Bruce guy is, but he better get his act together. As for me, what I am finding disconcerting of late is that my normal patterns of taking in and processing information don’t seem to be operative right now. I could always find something in the field of non-duality to bring me inspiration and comfort; I enjoy Facebook for that reason, as I often read the posts from some of the more prominent non-duality luminaries. Then, as a result of information I have become aware of through email forwards and some poking around, I have found myself looking at those web sites that might provide more information about what is brewing in the world. Now it seems that both of these sources of inspiration and stimulation are providing neither, and I find myself feeling impatient with all of it.

Then there is the physics angle, and that is certainly interesting. Did you know that every atom is actually a black hole? Makes you look at this creation with somewhat different eyes. (My wife has often said that my memory is somewhat like a black hole, but that is another story.) I have also come across a beautiful DVD about sacred geometry, and that is a great combo of left and right brain stimulation. However, I don’t feel drawn to pursue this knowledge beyond a certain point.

As I have been typing this, it has occurred to me that more and more, I am being drawn inward, to feel what is going on in my own individual universe. Since all my atoms are composed of nothing but black holes, this would certainly provide enough possibilities for exploration to last, well, forever.

But this supposed choice I have of pursuing whatever line of inquiry I desire is really no choice at all. My script is being written simultaneously with my playing it out. If it has become uncomfortable for me to pursue a certain line of inquiry, then I won’t do it, and I can instead trust that my perfectly written script is leading me exactly where I need and want to go.

Right now, I am simply observing that my normal pursuits are not doing it for me. And yes, I do feel somewhat discombobulated, but less so as a result of writing this post. It’s just another feeling to be felt, after all.

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