Do you ever get the feeling that you are an actor in some sort of play? Lately, I have been watching myself being an actor, speaking as if I am reading from a script, saying things that sometimes sound genuine and sometimes not, using body language and hand gestures in a particular way, etc.
Sometimes I just catch myself and wonder why I am saying or doing something, as it will suddenly seem so contrived. For example, why did I move my hand in that way? Or, that yawn I just yawned was so obviously acted! It seemed so orchestrated, as if I were indeed following some stage direction that has told me to move my hand in that way, or to yawn as I sat down in that chair. Or I notice a certain tone of voice, and wonder why I used that tone of voice – it seems too dramatic, or exaggerated, or something.
I am putting this together with an experience I had over four years ago in which I “saw” that everyone is really acting, I mean really acting, and that this is all some elaborate drama in which we are all participating. When I saw this, I saw that some people were completely oblivious to the fact that they were acting, and some people, fewer in number, were aware that they were acting on some level.
However, everyone I observed was completely absorbed in their roles, and playing them out to perfection. In fact, there was absolutely no way that they couldn’t have been perfect at their roles. After all, they were playing “themselves,” and how can you screw that up? (I’m not claiming here that this makes any logical sense, in case you were wondering.)
For some reason, I am seeing that more than ever right now. (Coincidentally, a friend who was over last night wanted to watch the movie, “The Nines.” That movie portrays this concept really well.) This is all adding to the realization that none of this is real, that we, or I, or all of us, have decided to have a particular experience on this plane of existence, and we are all playing it out, quite literally acting it out, having the experience we all wanted to have.
As I write this, I am feeling that the next post will have to do with the script writing process. Fun!