Feelings Without the Story

I went to Kilauea this morning, to pick up our mail at the post office and buy some items at the farmer’s market. On the drive back, I became aware that I was feeling quite a bit of emotional discomfort. If I had to put a label on it, I would probably say it was fear mixed with feeling very restless. It was as if something was very wrong, with what I didn’t know. I watched my mind doing its thing, taking stock of everything happening in my life at that moment, in an attempt to attribute the pain to a part of my story. However, nothing stuck, or made any sense at all.

At this point the thought occurred that maybe I was picking up someone else’s fear, that it wasn’t mine at all. I also noticed that this thought bumped up against a belief of mine, that it is irrelevant whether the feeling is mine, my wife’s, a stranger’s or anyone else’s, if it’s happening “inside” me, it is mine to deal with. I realized that this is indeed a belief – I don’t really know what’s true in this case, and I have also seen that the approach to dealing with these feelings may very well be different for each person.

So after mulling this all over, I decided to do nothing, just continue to observe the feelings as they were, and not attempt to do anything “with” them. By the time I got home, and began to interact with my wife, I noticed those feeling of discomfort were no longer there.

It was a great reminder to me that all feelings, thoughts and sensations come and go in this great amusement park of life, which is encompassed by the awareness that I am.

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